I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
