i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
