please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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