dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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