Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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