I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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