I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
