I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
