DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
