i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
