You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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