i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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