Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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