btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
