So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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