Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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