I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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