Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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