Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
