at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
