you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
