if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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