First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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