Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
