she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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