the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
