i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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