I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
