We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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