Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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