Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
