i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
