i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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