She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
