how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
