Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
