my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
