it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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