broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need a beard to bite.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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