When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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