If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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