we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
