Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
