As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
