are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
