I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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