so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
