Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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