i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
