When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
